Even when no one is listening…

Archive for January, 2013

Kindred Spirits

Life is a collection of moments. “Now’s” spent in the company of souls. We are not meant to be alone. We are all connected. Often times in ways unknown – unexplainable kindredness. Here’s a tribute to the souls that have become a valuable part of my existence. Each of them would shy away from the public appreciation but they deserves it none-the-less. 

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The Cousins! Drew, Emily & Victoria.

The oldest of friends. We may not live close enough to experience daily interaction but I feel your support being sent in prayers, thoughts and well wishes. No matter what, you’re there in a pinch. Drew thank you for all the random phone calls just to check up on my emotional state. Emily thank you for all the nights we stay up late talking about the complexities of life. Victoria, you’re my girl. I couldn’t ask for a better bestie. You know too much anyways :p haha. Our time together is limited but precious. I never want to lose you.

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Amy ❤ This is a shout out to Mattew and Ethan as well (sorry no photo with all of us). You guys are the most loving and selfless family I know. Seriously. I think of you guys daily and send a prayer of thankfullness out for the permanent blessings you have become in my life. I know that I will never be able to repay your kindness but I sure hope to pass it on to another unsuspecting soul.

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Jenna! Girl I love you to pieces. 

How the hell did we go this long without each other?! haha. We may be opposites but it works. I’m pretty sure you are the world’s perfect room mate. Thanks for putting up with my ridiculous tendencies. As the saying goes, “Iron sharpens Iron”. We certainly are rubbing off on each other…for the better!

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Amara, my musical lover 😉 

Oh, where to begin. The fact that we used to be mortal enemies and now are the best of friends. Serenade me any night 😉 Your music is blossoming into something wonderful.

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“The Betches” family portrait 😉 Andi, Ben and Chad. 

Oh, goodness. You crazy kids have changed my life. The universe knew I needed a family during this time of life. I cherish each moment spent together. Andi, I love you girl. You’re the most loving person alive. I swear. Our random late night adventures are stories I can’t wait to share with my kids someday. Ben, you’re the best big brother I never had. Thank you time and time again for listening to my radical thought processes. You’ve been with me every step of the way during my spiritual journey. I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re the one who pushes me to better myself daily. Chad, I can’t believe I actually found a guy that loves glitter and sparkles :p Thank you for your gentle insight into my journey. I always come away from our conversations having been challenged as a person. All of you are more than I could have ever asked for.

-Rachel ❤

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Fluidity

Fluidity

Darling, clear your heart
Forget where you are
Baby, clear your mind
Follow all your signs
There’s nothing worse
Than having to rehearse
Just who you think
You ought to be

Little girl, don’t compromise
See your self through your own eyes
Precious soul, don’t lose your way
Fabulous is your middle name
Give up control
Because you know
What’s meant to be
Comes naturally

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This.Is.Me.

This.Is.Me.

This past week my emotions decided to take a giant shit on my life. An early visit from mother nature combined with the presentation of far too many paths for one girl’s choosing had me in a jumbled mess. There is nothing more terrifying than losing yourself. Even the thought of it sends my heart into convulsions. Moments like these are crucial to personal development. Chaos. Heartache. Confusion. Normally we shrug them away hastily as negative entities that have no healthy place in our personal experiences. Oh, but how we thrive off of the struggle. We learn the most from discomfort. There’s no better teacher than disappointment. I get it now better than ever. There are some things you can only learn by diving into the darkness. Balance baby. It’s all about balance. If you spend your energies focused on only learning in the day light you’re cheating yourself out of 50% of life’s educational factors. So get with it. You can either fight against the tide or roll with the punches OR fight the tide while throwing kick ass moves. I mean the choice is really yours 😉 I may not be happy all the time but I sure am content no matter what because my happiness is not dependent on circumstances. My happiness comes from within. That’s why it’s so important to stay real. True to you. No one else. So to all the haters who tried convincing me that I was gonna regret my life thus far – I don’t. You all might be in the business of keeping secrets and wishing away past choices. Not this girl. I tend to accept reality in all it’s ugliness because sometimes you gotta go through shit to find the silver lining.

-Rachel

Goodbye

Should have paid attention

To that stupid dream

I should have listened

To all their warnings

 I knew it from the start

That you were no good

Destined to break my heart

Player from the hood

 

My first taste came from you

You didn’t have a clue

Now I’m left feeling used

I gave you everything

There’s no one else to blame

To you it’s just a game

 

Should have seen all the signs

Leading up to this

The hunger in your eyes

Complicating shit

Instead I fell in love

While you fell in lust

You’re incapable of

giving yourself up

 

My heart was on the line

You filled it up with lies

Now I’m wondering why

I gave myself to you

There’s simply no excuse

To you I’m just a screw

 

Tell me that I’m bitter

Tell me I’m a whore

Baby I know better

Baby I know more

No more second chances

Taking time for me

No more secret glances

You’re no good for me

 

My life is blossoming

You didn’t take a thing

Now you’re left wondering

I walked away from you

There’s nothing you can do

To me you’re just a fool

 

Tell me that I’m stupid

Tell me I’m a bitch

Go on and lose your head

Go on throw your fit

No more explanations

Calling out the bull shit

No more jerk reactions

You’re just not worth it

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Mutant Message

Mutant Message

A dear friend shared this book with me after I mentioned to him my mysterious inner connection with Australia. Since a young age I’ve sensed a force beckoning me to the Outback. I still am unaware fully of why I sense this call but this book has offered some insight into the message Australia may hold. Mutant Message records the timeless journey of an American woman who is invited onto a walk about with the Real People. While I could easily quote the entire book I’ve struggled to select a few morsels that touched my soul.

“Much later I would understand that the releasing of attachment to objects and certain beliefs was already indelibly written as a very necessary step in my human progress toward being.” pg 8

“I had to learn to forgive myself, not to judge but to learn from the past. They showed me how vital is is to accept, be truthful, and love myself so I could do the same with others.” pg 64

“Humans cannot exist if everything that is unpleasant is eliminated instead of understood.” pg 69

“I liked the idea of looking back over my life and considering, even when it appeared I had made mistakes or poor choices; on some level of my being, it was the best I could do at the time. In the long run it was going to prove to be a step forward.” pg 99

“I learned that I could live more than one life in a lifetime.” pg 116

“Most die never knowing what it feels like to have stood naked in the rain.” pg 152

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Your True Story

My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness. Optimism. Hope. The inability to see darkness overcome the light. Somehow I always manage to see the good in people even when there is none. I suppose you could argue then that it’s not the good I see but rather the potential good. I see what can be more so than what is. So my life has become a constant battle between focusing on the present moment while knowing what the future could hold. Love where you’ve been, love where you are, love where you’re going.

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Look who made the news ;)

Look who made the news 😉

This past week has been phenomenal. Hell, this whole past month has been. Life in general is fabulous. Yes, I know my blog title may give the appearance of a girl with her head in the clouds BUT at least I am able to see the good more so than the bad. Life is full of balance. For every heartache there is a smile. For every bitter moment there is one filled with ecstasy. For every disappointment there is a hope for tomorrow. Being happy doesn’t come from happy circumstances. Being happy comes from being content no matter what. Twenty-Three years later I finally get that. Walking into a coffee shop in down town Ft. Wayne brought all these emotions to a culmination of reflection where I was filmed briefly for a piece on channel 15. All I did was show up to buy a hot chocolate and ended up on the five-o-clock news. To get what you want in life all you have to do is show up. Be. Exist. Breathe. Something wonderful is constantly waiting to happen. You don’t have to wait anymore. You just need to be. Good things are blossoming where you least expect it. Stop expecting. Stop planning out your life. Stop trying. Start living. Start living life without hesitation. Start doing.

-Slightly Over Dramatic Girly Optimist

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