Even when no one is listening…

ImageI feel on top of the world today. Woke up to 8 inches of snow piled outside my porch. From the kitchen window I can see my van buried beneath a comforter of snow. Last night’s storm left the city loosely wrapped, surrounded by layer after layer of slush, ice and baby soft snow. It’s cold outside. My poor apartment heater is working overtime. Outside it’s a calming chill. The white stuff insulating the warmth of the sun. I bundle up anyway; venturing out back to dig out my van. A shovel. I don’t have one. Wasn’t exactly on my list of priorities when I moved last summer.

This time last year I would have been stuck 15 miles outside of town until the snow plow came through. Living in town definitely has it’s perks. Being able to walk to work is one of them. I have a few hours before I am expected there. Pushing the snow away with my feet I work to make a path for my tires; I am grateful that out ally has been plowed already. Winter anxiety is minimum now that I live a mile away from all that matters at this point in life. My heart is set on meeting Amara at the gym. Shoulders still sore from yesterday’s yoga session, belly bloated from giving myself permission to indulge on my day off. I feel fat. Thanks mother nature. I feel sore. Thanks again. More importantly, I feel determined. Nothing can hold me back without my consent. Today I will not back down. I push myself today. Raising the resistance, increasing my reps; going longer, stronger, faster.

Last night, Aspen and I, spent hours pouring out our dreams into creatively personal vision board collages. Sparkles, magazine clippings, ribbon, colored paper, stickers, glue and quotes layered across foam boards. After years of neglecting my body I am reclaiming my health from the damages of abuse.

Physically: I want to be stronger. I want to run freely into the horizon. I want to be fit. I want to be actively living; my hobbies a result of my training and dedication.

Mentally: I want to free myself from self imposed limitations. No more “I can’ts” an endless array of “I CAN”. I am capable! I am powerful! Mantras repeated long enough to be engraved permanently across my heart.

Emotionally: I want to be genuine. Embracing all that I am, all that I am not, all that I want to be. Expressing my emotional relationship to reality openly. Sharing with my support system my fears, triumphs, goals, concerns – everything. I am grateful for my support family. Each member serving me in different ways unique to their talents, knowledge and passions. Each one appearing in my moments of need precisely when needed most. I don’t even have to ask the universe; she provides fully. Often before I am aware of my need. Beautiful. This is what contentment is. Trusting that the universe will bring to you all that you desire. Patiently anticipating each gift, mindfully gracious towards those bearing her gifts. Thank you. I am grateful. Eager to share my blessings with others. I find great pleasure in the journey. Relishing the parade of “now’s” carrying me into a tailored fit reality created equally from the combined efforts of those who love me and my own hard work and dedication.

 

Rachel

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