Even when no one is listening…

Archive for April, 2013

Aside

“Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery”

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Today I finished my first book of memoirs. Unexpectedly too, while setting at a small table by the window in half price books while waiting for my best friend to finish up her selections in the art section. The entire work is hand written. I will be spending the next few weeks typing up the manuscript for a select few friends to proof read. I feel empty now. Accomplished but empty. A strange feeling after having written something so heartfelt, lengthy and difficult. Ironically, I also filled the last page of my journal today. In many ways, today marks the end of an era in my life. Tomorrow the beginning of something new, fresh and beautiful.

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Spotted this lovely hot pink masterpiece at Barnes and Noble. Needless to say, it matches my perspective entirely. After sharing twenty-three chapters worth of intimately difficult life experiences and lessons; I am more than ready for an adventuresome Summer full of hope and healing. I’m letting “other pens dwell on guilt and misery” while I bask in the beauty of the sunshine being poured out in abundance over me. 

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This card being one of those delightful rays. I love my cousins. They know me so well. Emily picked out this piece; which Victoria gifted me today immediately after the completion of my book. No, this was not planned. Unknowingly, they bestowed the most perfect of blessings. This little card is going to be the first thing that gets framed in my new apartment. That’s right. I am moving. Not far. Just a couple blocks down the street to a quaint upstairs studio apartment next door to my dear friends Andria and Brandon. Life truly is falling together nicely.

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Now I find myself celebrating solo by watching “Stranger than Fiction”. A movie I have seen at least ten times and could watch at least ten more. Stay posted for further updates on the book – Becoming Rachel: The Art of Existing. Can’t wait to share the finished product with all my readers!

Much  love always,

Rachel

P.S.

Like my facebook page —-> here. 

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If we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives….

Today is a day of celebration. I’ve lost twenty pounds in the past four months. Throughout the journey I have learned to love my body no matter what form it takes. I chose to take steps towards being a healthy person through a vegetarian and restricted processed food diet. Diet meaning a PERMANENT life style change. Not once did I feel restricted or denied. Rather my tastes changed to craving healthier options. Exercise has played an important role as well. Training for a marathon, yoga and strength training have all attributed to a healthy and happy Rachel. I’ve never felt this alive before. And I know it will only get better from here. Sure there are obstacles along the way. Fears to face. People to prove wrong 😉 Life is a challenge. The minute we stop pushing ourselves is the moment we stop growing. Never give up. Never clam up. Never doubt yourself. If this girl can do it….YOU can too!

Mama, I am proud of you for making healthy choices recently and your willingness to try new adventures with me. Looking forward to our Five K together 🙂 I love you so much!

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Here’s me on my 23rd birthday at the Indiana State Fair posing next to what might possibly be the girliest tractor on planet earth.

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Here’s me, today,  grinning girlishly outside Brew’ha thanks to Andira making me laugh.

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Living is Risky Business

Living is Risky Business

Face your fears
Before they overcome
Venture into the darkness
Believe in something beautiful
Be willing to work hard
Refuse to fear failure
You will fail
Did you hear me?
YOU WILL FAIL
and
it’s
okay
You’ll pick yourself back up again
and
try
again
Until something magically
takes form
It takes a little madness
get what you want out of life
So risk it all

I hope you learn to love again

We could’ve had something beautiful

Had you not been hung up on her

She stole your heart

Left you out to dry

But you’re still waiting

For her to come by

How long will you wait

For something that may never arrive

If she wanted to be with you

Then she’d be by your side

I’m walking away

Because it hurts loving you

When you can’t even

Look me in the eye

All I did was care

And give myself to you

But it’s not good enough

That I can see

You want her

You don’t want me

So I hurt a bit

Not for my sake

But for the sake of

What could’ve been

What should’ve been

We teetered in-between the lines

Hoping for the best

Denying what was

Two hearts falling in love

Till you put on the brakes

Emotionally shut off

Built a wall

That I hurt myself trying to climb

Now I’m jumping off

Falling free

Into the sky

Soaring high and far

Flying towards infinity

Maybe someday

You’ll catch up to me

Take my hand

And land together

Not today

Maybe never

I’m not holding onto hopes

The way you cling to her

I’m living life

I’m freeing myself of you

Not because I want to

Because I fell for you

And now I’m falling back

Into who I am

Regardless of what was

Or what could’ve been

What should’ve been

Memories shared

If only for a bit

I’m living life

While you die inside

Slowly

Painfully

Unknowingly

I’m sorry love

For what she did to you

More so

For what you’re doing to yourself

Writers Are Dangerous People

Image Writers live lonely lives.

Reflective.

Lonely.

Lives.

Our passion consumes us. Drawn out periods of sporadic inspiration. We scribble furiously, taunting an invisible net at the phantom fireflies taunting our minds. A tiny bit of madness is required. The ability to lose oneself on the page. Time does not exist. Just an abundance of coffee, tea, notebooks and writing utensils. Relationships often take a toll during waterfall like bouts of inspiration. Appointments and plans set aside until completion of a chapter, page or paragraph.

At times the writer leaves their own needs unattended. We forget to eat. Hell, we forget that food exists. We lose track of time, as an hour turns into an evening. And an evening into a week long battle with the page. We grow increasingly irritable during dark periods of ‘Writer’s Block” . We neglect the expectations of society becoming the eccentrics your mother warned you to stay away from as a child.

Writers are dangerous people.

Difficult to be close friends with. Both a social butterfly and an exclusive hermit. Extreme personalities bent on making a difference. Dedicated to wearing whatever color glasses necessary to see the world through. Hopeless romantics. Cynical skeptics. Passionate activists. Daring detectives. Sparkling divas. Our person goes through a whirlwind of experiences. Fictional and real. They feel equal in importance to us. As writers, our characters reflect pieces of our own soul. Our stories often personal dreams never actualized. Our words snippets of  our lives. Our books mirrors of our being. When you read our pages you are staring the nakedness of our being in the eye. Authors take great risks. We present ourselves to the world in the purest form possible. Raw. Naked. Transparent. Then silently wait for the critic to speak. Never lie to a writer. We will know. We seem to have a 6th sense for dishonesty. Always, tell us the truth. Even if it’s not pretty. We will appreciate the courage it took be honest. The same courage it took us to ask for an opinion.

This is the reason we write. To encourage brilliance and confidence. To share beauty and love. To appreciate what is and what isn’t. We write because we can. We write in hopes that someone somewhere will care to read our message. Even if it’s just one soul. Even if that one soul is our own. We write for ourselves. We write for you. We create. We share. We write. We write because we don’t know how not to write. Because when we aren’t writing we lose sight of who we are; our relationship to this world and our purpose in existing.

We write because it’s who we are.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for loving parts of our soul. That you for hating bits here and there. Thank you for your input. Thank you for your support. Thank you for putting up with this slightly over dramatic girly optimist.

Much Love,

Rachel

P.S. To my friends. Thank you for not once asking me to “take a break.” Thank you for understanding and accepting this aspect necessary to my health and well being. Thank you for being patient with me 🙂

Stupid———–> and Contagious – Book Review

ImageFound this intriguing little number at Good Will for fifty cents. Almost put it back on the shelf. Something made me want to flip through the pages in an effort to justify buying yet another book. So I did. 

It’s bad enough when you get fired from your dream job. But when you can’t make it as a waitress, there’s a whole world of self-worth you’re just never gonna see again.” 

That did it for me.

Normally, I would give my readers a brief synopsis. Not this time. Stupid and Contagious is purposefully vague. Drawing readers in through their own curiosity. Don’t believe me? Just check out the cover art. Giant yellow circles covering the stars of the story; leaving only the important details up to the reader’s imagination. Maybe this is how the author, Caprice Crane operates? I don’t know having never read any of her other work. That, however, is about to change.

In keeping with the style of the book; and in due respect for Crane allow me to tease your senses with a few of my favorite snip-its from the book….

“But after a while you stop shaving your legs, and he stops noticing, and it seems more practical to try to get a good night’s sleep.”  pg 2

“Someone once said, People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. They forgot one other option: Some people come only to give us their contact information, let us know that we really need to get together sometime, and why don’t we give them a call?” pg 26

“I find something I like and eat it. A lot. It becomes my phase.” pg 62

” ‘Life is short! Who has time for all this?’ ‘Actually, that’s not true. Life is not short,’ I say. ‘Life happens to be the longest thing that you are ever going to do.’ And for once he is quiet.”  pg 73

“I don’t know what the hell she’s doing but she’s doing it , and that’s all that matters.” pg 89

“Ma’am (and when I say Ma’am, I mean ‘you stupid whore’)” pg 93

“Dude, I hate to say it, but you are one bad career move away from working at the Guitar Center.” pg 106

“Dating is like pushing your tray along in a cafeteria. Nothing looks good, but you know you have to pick something by the time you reach the cashier.” pg 111

“He looks over at me, and I nod at him. The nod is like an entire conversation.” pg179

Much Love,

Rachel ❤

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Keeping the Peace -Update-

Keeping the Peace -Update-

The letter worked 🙂 While she never mentioned the letter or parking the lady from Apt #1 invited my room mate and I to start a garden in the front lawn. Not only that, but she offered to pay for everything and do most of the work! AND, has invited us to use the front porch anytime. Looks like a little love can go a long way ❤

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