Even when no one is listening…

Archive for July, 2013

True Love Is Always Weeping

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True love

is always weeping

aching

deep within.

Crumbling

in a corn field

cold earth

beneath our bodies,

I held you

as you felt

the intensity

of your love

for him.

The muscles

in your face

contorted

scrunched

frozen

in an expression

that silently

broke my heart.

Never before

have you looked

so beautiful.

I told you this

with the sun

glowing majestically

at your back.

In that moment

 I knew you felt

embarrassed

broken

vulnerable

weak

and you were.

At your darkest moment

you shone the brightest.

I shed a tear

for you,

my best friend

 my soul mate

my better half

my sister

loyal to a fault.

I knew this was a pain

you needed to embrace.

I knew this was a moment

you would look back on

as the day you chose

to love yourself.

An overwhelming

wave of warmth

consumed me.

To be privileged

to see you

in this rawness.

 The nakedness

of your love.

Beautiful.

You give until

you’re spent

then somehow

find more

to love with.

For this

I admire your heart

adore your soul

am blessed to call you mine.

A heart

I’d be crushed

to break

a soul

I’d be devastated

 to lose.

We watched the sunset

rays of warmth

spread across our skin

lying on the earth

soaking it in

crying

laughing

certain in our uncertainty

Happy and free

during our sorrow

Letting go

opening up

free to love

again.

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The Hug

“I’ve missed you,”

I whispered

holding him tight.

“I hate you,”

he sighed

beneath my embrace.

“Why?”

I asked

though I already knew.

Superficial

I see right through

your bullshit

All the superficial

nonsense

That you honestly

think matters

Perky breasts

a pleasant smile

Symmetrical features

Thinly toned limbs

Photo-shopped abs

(but you don’t know that)

What about character?

You know

Things that last

Past age forty-five

What about love?

The beauty

of finding

a life mate

That’s what you have

in the body

of a curvy

non-proportional goddess

You refuse to acknowledge

because my B.M.I. says

I’m “over weight”

A layer of flab

is what stands

between us

How sad

Superficial

Empty

The ‘love’ you want

doesn’t exist

because

it

isn’t

love

That’s why

you are alone

That’s why

I’m your only friend

That’s why…

That’s why….

That’s why

we can’t be together

Even as friends

It’s your fault

this time

Not mine

How dare you

treat me like a project

a goddess in need of revision

I’m beautiful

the kind of beauty

that lasts

well beyond old age

and with death creeping

in every passing moment

I don’t see

how you can afford

to waste

one

more

moment

Seeking emptiness

Well you’ve found it

Hiding

deep within

the darkness

of

your

own

soul

a darkness

I constantly overlook

and love

despite all reason

I love you

you think

you love perfection

claiming

high standards

neck deep

in a pile of shit

you’ve formed

into a wall

protecting

what’s left

of

your

broken

heart.

Bitter-Sweet-Irony

I wasn’t prepared

to hear those words

from your lips….

“I love you.

I care about you.

I want you to be my girl.

And I fucked up.

I’m sorry

I know I hurt you.

That’s why

I don’t deserve you.

I hope you find someone

who will treat you right.

I just want you to be happy Rachel.”

And to think

I almost

didn’t

answer

the phone.

And to think

I almost

hung up

on this

perfect moment.

500 Days of Summer: Movie Review

images{Life’s Biggest Disappointment} The biggest disappointment in life is the moment you realize that love is not enough. Being in love and being loved in return does not guarantee that you’ll end up with an ‘Happily Ever After’. Love is a fickle beast; demanding heartache and devastation. Good intentions are rarely good enough. Falling in love a dangerous venture for love has no safety net.

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{The Truth About “True Love”} I used to be one of those ‘True Love’ fanatics that believed ‘True Love’ – the purest of all loves- could overcome any obstacle. That loving someone meant overlooking all their faults and grievances. That “True Love” was encompassed in one person who would complete your existence entirely.   

Then I fell in love.

And realities started popping up left and right.

Like what if the person you love….

  • Has a different set of goals in life?
  • Constantly hurts you unintentionally?
  • Annoys the hell out of you?
  • Has really bad morning breath?
  • Takes you for granted?
  • Loathes your taste in music?
  • Makes you want to shoot yourself in the face after an hour in their presence?
  • Repulses you?
  • Doesn’t believe you love them?
  • Cheats on you?
  • Doesn’t think they deserve to be with you?

These are all important issues to consider rather than sweep under the rug. The starry eyed romanticized optimistic fairy tale once in a lifetime “True Love” doesn’t exist. So stop looking for it. You won’t find it.

What you will find is the sort of love that fills you up then leaves you dry. The sort of love that gives you wings then laughs as you fall on your ass from the sky. Love that demands heartache. Love that makes a mess of things. A love that can’t look the other way countless times without hurting everyone involved.

Now, I am not saying loving someone doesn’t include an element of forgiveness. Rather I’m saying love has to face reality. Love itself is not enough. And loving yourself is required when loving others. Love must be willing to get angry and express disappointment. Love has to be honest, transparent, and blunt. Love cannot sugar coat. Love must demand attention when dealing with outside circumstances and factors. Love reciprocated doesn’t secure a happy ending.

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{500 Days of Summer} 500 Days of Summer is a film that changed my outlook on love entirely.

If you haven’t seen it please find a copy tonight and watch it. Hit up Netflix, Amazon Instant Video, Family Video or Red Box.  Or if you live in my area hit me up to borrow my copy (Caution if you don’t return it I shall hunt you down).  

From the opening scene the narrator makes it painstakingly clear that this is a love story that ends in heartache. Throughout the film we watch as two quirky co-workers, Thomas and Summer, fall in love. The progression of the story is spread across 500 Days documenting the highs and lows of Summer and Tom’s relationship; in scenes that jump back and forth across the 500 Day timeline.

As viewers, we experience the darkest moments of their love: intense disappointment, misunderstandings, disagreements, acceptance of cruel circumstances and hateful words. Along with the beautiful moments of: intimacy, laughter, shared joy, forgiveness and delight.

Love is presented in all it’s raw moments of tragic splendor. Needless to say, Tom and Summer do not end up together. All the hoping in the world doesn’t change the outcome so clearly stated in the beginning of the film. In the end, you feel the intensity of their fate. Teary eyed and perhaps a little angry you eventually accept the fact that “Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not be together.” 

And that realization, hopefully, sticks with you for the rest of your life.

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July 11th, 2013

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We fucked

after fucking up

whatever it is

we had going on

We wove

a web of feelings

between arms and legs

kisses among thrusts

You cared

about my pleasure

sacrificing yours

to ensure my own

I faked

my indifference

to your kind gesture

of putting me first

You left

despite lingering

in hesitation

hoping I’d protest

I stayed

in my bed alone

silently wishing

for your hand to hold

We hurt

each other that night

in different ways

 without intention

We fucked

fucked up again

trying to protect

from falling in love

Balance

 

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And somethings in life
are too beautiful
far too precious
to actually
be happening
Heart please don’t
Float away
Reason give me
the will to stay
All this beauty
is breaking my heart
Why can’t I
just be happy
going on
my merry way
Becuase I care
far too much
to let this moment
slip through my
fingertips
What they say
turned out to be true
patience
is worth the wait
for all things change
you can fight it
but you can’t stop
or else
you’ll be playing
catch up in the end
So go with the flow
and run with the tide
For this
is the way of life
Don’t fear the beauty
or dread the rest
Adjust your sails
feel the wind
in your hair
The sun on
your face
Somethings in life are
far too fleeting
far too retreating
Here for an instance
then gone for good

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