Even when no one is listening…

Archive for the ‘Poetic Musings’ Category

What It Means To Be Your Daughter

 

Disconcerting,

how things have changed.

Me for the better

You for the worse.

Only you can’t tell

the difference.

Everything is upside down.

Making my world

right side up.

Twisted and wobbled

you distort reality.

Sitting on your throne

of illusions.

Casting down judgments

you have no authority to give.

Like some sort of god

viewing me as a rebel daughter

chasing disaster.

Nothing will make you see

that the only thing I’m chasing

is my liberty

my freedom

my voice

my life essence

that you stole from me

over years and years

of indoctrination

belittlement of spirit

and coherence of will.

You whittled me away

molding me like clay

into the daughter you wished me to be

ignoring the pleas

of my spirit within

demanding compliance

at any cost

willingly ignorant of the

beautiful woman within

struggling to be free.

I’ve tried to make you understand

I cannot

You

Don’t

Want

To

There’s nothing left to do

but submit my spirit unto you

and myself (willingly) die

a living corpse

within a haunted family.

Ghosts of our ancestors mistakes

Possessing the lives we live

the words we speak

the thoughts we act upon.

I refuse.

I choose to live a life of my own accord.

Submitting only to my will.

Acting only in my own volition.

Free.

Breaking the hold

you threaten me with

by withholding the love

that once lived in your heart

choosing hatred and selfish will

over the daughter

you love to hate

in the name of family, god and self preservation.

This is goodbye

and the start of something new

A new family

A new start

A new daughter to love, cherish and let grow free.

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Thief

I’m on defense dodging punches that don’t exist.

I was the one there when no one else was.

I saw you in all your glory.

In all the dust left after she left you discarded, hollow and used.

Three things I would never dare attempt.

I was the girl who loved you during your darkest moments.

In all your self loathing pity…

I saw a light you yourself didn’t recognize.

And now that you’ve found this flame,

you fail to remember

that I was the one

who blew that spark back into existence.

Funny how that works.

How the light can blind us

and the darkness makes us see.

Close your eyes old love

and you will see the times I held your heart

when you were too weak

to even acknowledge your need.

I did this out of love,

perhaps selfishly hoping

you’d return the favor

when I was to fall apart.

Only you were the one

to do the tearing

the ripping

the crumbling

piece by piece

unaware

taking from me what you needed

until you found

there was nothing left

for me to give

nothing left

for you to take.

And now you’re angry with me.

Perhaps, really disgusted with yourself

for destroying such beauty

for ruining

the very thing that brought you back to life.

Used

It’s been a month since we spoke

and even then we didn’t speak

rather we lingered

in the silences of text messages

being transmitted across towers

silent sound waves carrying messages

neither of us intended to

amount to much of anything

I longing to hold you in my arms

to behold that devilish look in your eyes

to hold your face in my hands

to drink of your spirit

and you,

you

I do not know what it is you desired.

My sex.

My breasts.

My womanly flesh.

My body.

To be used

and then

discarded empty

until I learn

to fill myself up again

when all I want

is to be full full

of your spirit

not momentarily

in heated passion

but the kind of fullness

that bathes your body

and washes your soul

but that you cannot give me

ignorant of my desire

 Hollow within your great depths

that I’ve lost myself in

time and time again

you cannot fill me

you cannot even fill yourself

Demons At Bay

Think you’ve got me

All figured out

Well think again

I’m full of doubts

There’s part of this heart

That I’ll never show

There’s a piece of me

That you’ll never know

I’m restless deep within

A mystery to myself

Learning all that I am

Is not all that I’ve felt

I’m a lock without a key

I’m a poem without a rhyme

Darling, seek me all you want

But there’s nothing left to find

Love, can’t you see

This is something

I have to face

In my own strength

There’s part of my heart

I’ve never seen

There’s a piece of my life

That’s long been missing

I’m restless fighting this

And nervous all around

Finding all my answers

Connected to my crown

Alone in my loneliness

I’m better off this way

No one can help me through this

Only I can face this pain

Everyone You Love Will Hurt You

You were always

My favorite distraction

Now you’re distracting me

In ways I never fathomed

The kind of ways

No one enjoys

Being pulled apart

Piece by piece

Until

There’s nothing left

To tear open

My soul laid bare

Before the world

My breast exposed

My chest cut open

The divine pouring forth

From my blood

There I lay

Decaying in my own filth

All that is beautiful

All that is worn

All that is I

All that used to be “us”

Until

There’s nothing left

To rot away

My bones crumbling

To ashes

My flesh absorbed

Into the earth

My blood run dry

Only ashes remain

Subtle, scattered and sinking

There I am no more

Transformed by the

Passing of time

Gone yet present

Invisible yet visible

Weak yet strong

Unaware yet conscious

Until

I rise again

This time

A different form

Unknown to me

Foreign and familiar

Growing from

Infancy of the soul

Painfully

Slowly

Stumbling at first

Awkward and frail

Seeping in potential

Standing

Crawling

Walking

Running

Until

I fly

Towards the sun

Free to live

Free to die

And free to all

That lies in-between

Before

And after

See…

No matter what happens

I survive

Not only that

I thrive

Not only that

I am alive

Always alive

The Art Fair

Beautiful moments

Lack in luster

If you’ve no one

To share them with

I set alone

Surrounded by people

Atop the courthouse steps

Overlooking the fair

Waves of harmony

Floating past my ears

Winds of Autumn

Flowing through my hair

Moments like these

Remind me of

My perpetual state

Of loneliness

The girl

Many love

But few enjoy

I’m strong

So no one sees

The sadness lingering

In my heart

They wouldn’t

Believe it anyhow

I look too alive

In my bright blue

And orange

A flower in my hair

Contentment

Mask my acceptance

Of loneliness

I’ve learned

To be so

I’ve learned

The art of

Getting by

Solo in life

Together long enough

To cause a fuss

Apart long enough

To make them miss me

But not enough

For them to do

Anything about it…

The Taste of Your Love

Your kisses are rough

Like the taste of your love

Ferociously hungry

To devour the parts of me

Left hidden inside

Left unsatisfied

Your fingers are tender

Like a soft glowing ember

Across my body

Causing a glow

I’m afraid to show

Your body is trembling

Atop my skin

Your wondrous release

Lies on top of me

In this divine chaos

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